Tim Cook, Apple CEO, had the following to say during the product release keynote speech:

“For the last 10 years we’ve been working around the clock on the technology to add that shiny, glowy logo to a case and make it go “woomp woomp” in the coolest way possible. With the iDoInFactHaveAMac, the dream is finally here, so now we can take the logo off the machine and put it on the case instead. This is bigger than open heart surgery for us. It’s magical”

Apple denies rumours that the move comes as a way to make hipsters everywhere spend money on covers in order to show the rest of the world that they are, in fact, using a Mac. When asked for their stance on the issue, TooTight Hat, a sometimes professional photographer and leader of the Cigarette Pants union called the move ‘blatant extortion’ and a form of ‘psychological terrorism’.

“Look,” he said puffing frantically on a Gaulois “they [Apple] are fully aware of our condition – we have a deep-seated need for other people to know that we’re using the coolest stuff. If they take away our right to be so obviously superior – actually, I don’t want to think about it. They know we’ll buy the new covers with the logo, no matter the cost. We don’t have a choice – we have to”

Jonathan Ive, lead designer at Apple also weighed in on the matter.
“What? No, of course it has nothing to do with removing a feature from the device and adding it to a seperately purchased accessory in order to make [even] more money from our customers. It’s about the experience, the magic. We care about our customers and want to make sure they protect their overpri- er, computers.”

The iDoInFactHaveAMac goes on sale April 1st.

“Costa Rican Hipsters Protest Starbucks”

Lester Hein Reporting -San Jose, Costa Rica

Hipsters across San Jose are up in arms following the announcement from international coffee giant Starbucks that they will be opening franchises in the city.

Juan A Sole, a local hipster commented on the issue -

 ”Until now, all I had to do to look cool was wear my older brother’s skinny jeans from the 80s with our grandfather’s glasses and just, you know, walk around with my retro headphones on. If Starbucks opens, other hipsters will be sitting there with their new iPads and Macbooks. I still have last year’s iPad – this is going to ruin me. I can’t afford those new things, I mean, I live with my parents, where will they find the money?” 

Juan’s father, mister R Sole-Raiser could not be reached for comment at the time of press.

When attempting to reach other hipsters for comment, they were unable to come out of their oversized pastel colored headphones to respond. A spokesperson from the Cigarette Pants union has said that a statement will be issued when it appears to be least expected and considered most ironic.

When asked whether local hipsters will be boycotting the coffee house, he replied that his union members would, in fact,  frequent their local Starbucks often and for hours on end, but that they “would not enjoy it or even like it a little bit the whole time they are there” as a form of protest.

–end–

AlbumRating: ★★★★★★★★½☆ 

Genre: Electronica/ Dance
Release Date: January 2010
Favourite Track: Look Me In The Eye Sister; I Won’t Kneel

The Short Version
Even though this album is a dance album, it gives a very firm nod to rock and roll with lush guitar tones, live drumming and acoustic vocals. The first thing that struck me when I listened to this album was that this was the record The Killers should have made after Hot Fuss. It has the same textures, the same dark urgency and vocal intensity. If you put The Killers, Moloko, Moby and David Bowie in a blender, the result is this synth heavy glam rock dance smoothie. Sip slowly and enjoy

AlbumRating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

Genre: R&B
Release Date: December 2011
Favourite Track:

The Short Version
A drug induced drunken haze delicously laced with hypnotic, deacandent beats make this a great listen. It’s a nice departure from the saccharine pop music that’s been pushed out for the last few years. Most of the time you’re not sure if the lyrics are fantasy or memory, but the now knowing is what makes this decadent treat.

The Weeknd – House Of Balloons by The_Weeknd

Album Rating: ★★★★★★★★½☆ 

Genre: Ambient/ Chill
Release Date: March 2010
Favourite tracks: Eyes Down (featuring Andreya Triana); 1009)

The short version:
Different from Bonobo’s previous work in that is not heavily laced with horns and drum fills. A lot more sparse, almost Oriental. Black Sands is a very, very good album.

Album Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

The short version: The best two man duo since Gnarles Barkley.

Album Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

Genre: Hip Hop/ RnB
Release Date: November 15, 2010
Favourite tracks: Marvin’s Room

The Short Version:
A lot like “Thank Me Later,” this is a hip hop album that doesn’t sound like a hip hop album. Layered sounds, slow, almost pulsating beats and very decent choruses make for a good listen. Lyrically, I found it a little empty (I’m rich, I’m sad, oh woe is me – another hot girl) but an enjoyable album all around.
 

Mark & Stephens – Freak Emotion

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

Sonny Fodera – Let It Roll

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

Jam Funk – WhoreHouse Music

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

http://www.beatport.com/track/whorehouse-music-original-mix/1880488
 

Smokin Groove and Paz – Love Touch

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

Kenny Dope Presents The Bucketheads – The Bomb (Jinxx Remix)

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★★½☆ 

(I’ve been after this for ages since my vinyl was stolen)

Will Jaxx – Golden (Sonny Fodera Remix)

Track Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 

Da Sunlounge – Track A

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★½☆☆ 

Giano – Feeling Good

Sound Diggers – Freak Show

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ 

Corey Steers and Ben Wah – Hazy Days

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★½☆☆ 

No Video Available

Jorge Watts and The House Inspectors – Hot Shit

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

Kinky Movement – Clowning Around

Track Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 

The House Inspectors – Turn Me on

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

Jazzmopper J – Round My Way

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

The Sound Diggers – Man’s World

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ 

Frankie J – Gonna Give It To Ya

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

Scrubfish – Testify To The Soul Providers

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ 

The Inspector and Steve Styls – Honey Honey (I Know)

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

The Shuffle Club – Late Night Cats (Sonny Fodera Beatsdown Mix)

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

The Shuffle Club – Late Night Cats (Sonny Fodera’s Beatdown Mix) by Central Music Recordings

Crussen – Bag It Up

Track Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

(this was an iffy decision because of the chipmunk voices, but in the end I decided I like it)

Laura Jones – Love In Me (Maceo Plex Remix)

Track Rating: ★★★★★★★½☆☆ 

Wattie Green – Shut Yo Mouf

Album Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆ 

Genre: Hip Hop/ RnB
Release Date: June 15, 2010
Favourite Tracks: Over

The Short Version

Album Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ 

Genre: Hip Hop
Release Date: July 2011
Favourite Track: