A friend made an interesting comment to me, about me the other day. She thinks that I’m conniving and manipulative, specifically when it comes to women. Her words were something along these lines – “you know which buttons to push, so you push them until you get what you want.” Initially, I disagreed on principle, as I’m inclined to do. But then I got to thinking about it and I concluded that hey – this is what people do inherently and (very) naturally. When you want something, you assess the situation, evaluate your options and make the move that you think has the best chance of success, in other words, you play the game the way you think will get you the result you want.
So then I started thinking about these buttons. Or rather what I think the buttons are…
The short list below is what I’ve come up with. I’ll probably get flamed to hell, highwater and back a few times over for my misogynistic/ chauvinistic opinions but they’re just that – one (alleged) asshole’s ramblings on a topic he can’t claim to know very much about. Though it may be a little trite, I’ve jotted down six S words that I think we as men should pay attention to when dealing with the women in our lives.
You don’t know what’s best for her. You never did and you probably never will. And just because she’s more prone to tears than you does not make her any weaker. I’ve seen this happen time and time again and I’ll admit – every time I see it I have the urge to deliver a righteous slap to the cheek of the offending male. While men may or may not want to acknowledge it, women need more mettle than we to advance in life, whether it’s on a social, professional or romantic level. And you should recognize that. Understand that she will very likely be your shoulder when you need and treat her with the respect her strength accords her.
I think people, not women specifically, should feel secure in who they are. You should be at ease with your own personality, your own company. But this security is no mean feat and as difficult as it is to achieve, it is equally easy for another to break you down. A good partner should try and make you feel secure without undermining your ability to do so on your own. Offer help, but gauge whether or not your help is welcome or in fact needed at all. And even the most secure individuals appreciate what equates to a little coddling every now and then, as long as you can do so without being patronising.
There’s a reason Maslow put this one on the NB list. As a good partner, you should introduce an atmosphere where the object of your affection(or attention) feels safe enough to talk about what’s on her mind. And to talk about these things to you. And by the things that are on her mind, I don’t mean traffic fines or shopping lists – I mean the things that are really on her mind. She should feel safe enough to expose her inner self without fear of ridicule or judgement from you. I’m a big fan of reciprocity and in my book the easiest way to engender this type of trust is for you to do the same. This exchange comes with a caveat though – if you’re disingenuous in your revelations, you can expect false emotion back in return.
Women are beautiful in many different ways, so show her that you see her beauty. Appreciate her smile, her body, her humour, her style. All of these (and countless others) are what make her sexy, what makes her appealing. Far too often we take for granted that our appreciation or acknowledgement of her is recognized – that she knows how we feel. Ask any broker – a little insurance goes a long way, so expend that little bit of extra effort to let her know that you think those jeans look good, even if they are the ones she wears around the house every day. Learn to appreciate the effort that she puts in to taking your breath away – it’s a lot more than you know. It’s a funny thing – once you recognize the time she’s invested to look good for you, she looks better just because of it.
This is a word I usually try to steer clear of – in my (slightly less than humble) opinion it’s connotation has been distorted and the meaning diluted over time. My definition is simple – appeal to her senses: her sense of style, her sense of humour, her sense of value and her sense of self worth. If she appreciates a man that takes care of the way he looks, put that little bit of effort in to appealing to her sense of style, her visual cue. If she appreciates a certain moral code, and you eschew the same – show her. Now, before bras are burned and brothers start changing colours – I’m by no means saying that you should fake it or adopt a persona other than your own just for her sake. But if you have it in you and all it needs is a little bit of effort and consideration to bring your appealing qualities to the fore, then I say take the time, make the effort.
I touched on her senses in the paragraph above, if you’ll permit the pun, but I think that the strongest sense of all is her sense of intelligence. If you’ve found an intelligent woman, firstly – hold on to her – they’re few and far between, then engage her mind, challenge her wit and give her synapses something to chew on. I’m not trying to intimate that men inherently patronise their female counterparts, but cheesy one liners and cliched platitudes are an insult to her intelligence. If you think that she’s worth the energy, then at least take the trouble to engage her mental faculties in a way that’s invigorating and if you can, entertaining.
So having spouted all of that, I eagerly await your comments with my flame suit donned and fire extinguisher at hand. My last comment is this – add however much salt you think is needed to the contents above, taking into consideration that I’m typing this alone, very single and at home on a Saturday night without a whole helluva lot to do…
Till next time, work hard and play harder,